#8 Peace restored

I made my first target weight! Whoop! Whoop!

But let me remind you that this journey is not about weight loss, but nor am I going to deny that that the results and effect aren’t a juicy bonus. But for me this is about maintaining a mindset, facing a block that I have battled with in the past which could be applied to anything I have tried to tackle that required more than 24 hours of effort and sacrifice.

It feels unbelievably satisfying, I have accomplished my initial goal that I set out to do. It wasn’t easy nor was it difficult this time.

So what was different? The biggest factor was putting my mind back to a place where I was happy with my weight. I 100% believe that I am as happy with my body as it is now as I would feel at being at my ultimate healthy weight. I am aware that what I put in to my body has a direct effect and impact on my well-being. I question myself, is the food going to nurture me or is it going to make me sluggish?

Everything I eat and do is a conscious decision. I make sure I move my body throughout the day.

My food is varied and I’m eating really healthy food from all food groups but the most obvious culprits such as fat, sugars and carbs I am eating in moderation and the most healthy options. If I fancy something sweet I eat something sweet. If I’ve eaten too much of it I recognise the signs and make note for the future. I learnt that lesson a couple of weeks ago.

My original plans were to go to Bath with my husband to meet up with friends [we lived there for 13 years straight after University], kids were off to grandparents and Buddy was going to my mums. But it all went a little wrong when Buddy became unwell on Wednesday, he was displaying ataxic symptoms. By 2300 he was very agitated and I couldn’t face waiting any longer to get help. So I took him to the emergency vets. There he stayed for two nights on a drip, still not eating. They think he was in contact with something toxic but unsure what.

I had already decided to stay back with Buddy so he could rest up as he wasn’t 100%. I had also become aware that my own alignment was off kilter, my patience was faltering with the kids and I felt claustrophobic.

To feel aligned I need to have had some form of alone time during the day and this wasn’t happening as it was the school holidays. On the Friday morning I was due to pick up Buddy from the vets, I went to make myself my morning cuppa, went back upstairs where my husband informed me that he’d received a message from one set of grandparents that they couldn’t have the kids, 1) they had forgotten about the arrangement and 2) they had sold their larger car and only had the 2-seater. Annoyingly my intuition had this scenario already playing around in my head. I had asked my husband to get in touch with them earlier that week to check timings etc but he hadn’t and had sent a text the day before prompting this text. I already felt saddened by pulling out of an evening with good friends and now a quiet house was being taken from me as well. I resigned myself to having a full house. I had already said to my husband to go to Bath as planned. Luckily, he understands my need for space and called upon his mum to help us out with the kids for the night.

Peace restored.

There is something quiet satisfying waving goodbye to the kids and husband and closing and locking the door [taking no chances of a return] behind them and facing the quietest of spaces. Buddy was happy to be home and sleeping. I settled down to do some work on LoA which often aligns me. I could feel myself getting a little fidgety so Buddy and I went for a walk around the block. I decided to spend an hour watching indulgent TV. I make no excuses but I like TV, it quietens my mind when it gets too busy. I found myself thinking of food. So I did what every self-respected slimmer does on weigh day. I go for it with a Chinese take-out and beers. I made some healthy choices [red king prawns] but can’t deny that I was thrown a little by the minimum card transaction so I added a few other things that were a tad naughty [sesame prawn toast, and crispy won tons]. I sat eating it all and really enjoying every mouthful with the knowledge that I won’t be doing this again for a while.

The feeling afterwards was immediate. I felt sluggish and uncomfortably full. I didn’t like the reaction the food had on my body. But happy that my mind stayed with me. In the past I would have thought ‘sod it, I’ve fallen off the healthy eating waggon so I’ll just continue’. I went to bed knowing that in the morning I’ll do a workout and walk Buddy and not feel guilty about my indulgence. I sit here having done just that.

I have set a new target weight goal, one that I can’t wait to achieve.

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