There is no avoiding negativity, but we can get a handle on it. We need to invite more positivity into our lives, to do this we have to address the negativity.
I’m naturally a negative person. Which I know sounds a little strange coming from someone who advocates positive thinking. But I have learnt to be conscious in my everyday thoughts and be mindful of the words that I use to overcome my mind’s default setting of seeing the worse-case scenario in life. But I am far from perfect, of course there are times when my consciousness deviates and negativity slips out of my mouth like an unintended bottom burp.
But It’s not our fault, right! We are naturally a negative nation. It’s part of our conversational DNA. We sing the song about the miserable weather, the terrible traffic or how manic our day has been like a pacifying nursery rhyme. We then turn on the news and rather than hear of all the good things with our world and society we are bombarded with he said/she said, disputes, disasters and death.
A lot of this negativity is subtle. It appears without us even registering it. It’s sabotaging our thoughts and our results outside of our consciousness. So, for us to attract more positivity into our lives we need to first look at our negative patterns.
Negativity can rear its head in a number of ways; you may find yourself saying these familiar phrases “that won’t work”, “I don’t like that”, “I don’t want to…”, “they said this/that”.
You may find yourself being consumed by another person’s action, decision or emotion and complain about it? Do you feel that other people are going about their lives in the wrong way and you know better? Do you think there are toxic people?
Unbeknown to us the very act of complaining of other people’s negativity is in fact negative. The Law of Attraction states, that where you place your focus is what you attract more of. Negativity attracts more negativity.
So how can we become more conscious of our thought process to ensure positivity shines through?
By looking within. Recognising that we are in control over what our likes, our dislikes, desires and our reactions are to our external environment.
We have a choice as to whether we voice them or not, because nothing is negative until we state it as so. There is no upside to focusing on negativity.
Top Tips when becoming more conscious
When we start to observe our thoughts, we need to be kind to ourselves — don’t beat yourself up because you realise that negativity is more prevalent than you had previously acknowledged.
You need to separate the facts from thinking. Just because it feels true doesn’t make it true, this is down to our individual perception and belief.
It doesn’t matter how another person shows up/behaves/talks as it isn’t on you to correct or comment, it’s on them — you will feel resistance to this feeling, let it pass.
Choose wisely what you say out loud, because how you decide to behave is 100% on you — allow time from thought to reaction.
Allow people to be themselves, without it affecting who you are as a person.
If you find yourself reacting to a particular person, imagine that what this person said or did was done by your best friend. Would you feel the same way?
With 2020 just days away and resolutions buzzing in our grey matter. Let’s give ourselves the best possible chance of success de-cluttering our negativity.
For us to harness the true power of the Law of Attraction (of creating a life that we want to live), we have to add a little self-progression with a big dollop of self-awareness. I would like to share with you a scenario that you may be able to resonate with that happened to me a few weeks ago.
My morning was flowing beautifully. I awoke feeling energised, I had a cuppa with no interruptions (everyone else was asleep), a ran through my appreciation list that I was feeling that morning. Life was feeling good. I felt great. Three hours later, life looked and felt a little different. I had arranged a catch up with my sister at her house, taking my children with our mum also joining us.
I’d awoken my daughter, who had gotten in to the habit of sleeping in, giving her 40 minutes to have breakfast and get dressed. She’d already assured me she was ‘ready’ but when it came to shouting “SHOES ON!” there was little movement. My son appeared from somewhere and dutifully did as he was told (which is rarely the norm).
After many strained verbal toing and froing up and down the stairs between myself and my daughter, we we’re eventually all in the car, albeit 10 minutes later than I had wanted to and five minutes before we needed to be at my sister’s.
But we were off. Turned right at the end of my road to find I’d made a mistake as the traffic was horrendous; a three lane A-road was being filtered into just one. It was too late to reverse, I had to stick to my route. At this point my son decided to pipe up saying ‘I’m hungry’. Which triggered a thought. I’d left the kids snack but also the teabags that my sister had requested as her online shop hadn’t been delivered yet as she’d just returned from her holiday. “Not a problem, I’ll make a quick stop off at the shops” I say out loud, but internally my heart tenses. The issue is that I have picked up a reputation over the years for being late. I say ‘I’ but more often that not the likelihood increases when I have kids or husband in tow.
As I’m running around the shop, grabbing items, I attempt to call my big sis to transfer blame, but no one answers. I throw my replacement items on the counter, plus a packet of ‘naughty’ biscuits for the adults to enjoy with their tea and rush back to the car. I start the engine and within seconds my phone rings. My daughter answers the call and puts it on speaker phone. My sister. I start cascading reasons why we are late like verbal vomit, when she interjects and says, that mum has locked herself out of her house and locked her keys in her car. Impressive! We giggle at mums’ expense. “Not to worry” I proclaim, I’m near her so I’ll swing by and pick her up. We disconnect, and then the car computer makes a ping noise, that I am familiar with. It’s another warning to tell me that the fuel is low. It did the same to me yesterday, but I didn’t have time then. Looking at the remaining mileage, it was now urgent. “Okay, not a problem” I hear myself say again, we are literally driving past a petrol station in 10 seconds let’s make a detour. I could feel myself at this point becoming more stressed. I start to get agitated and annoyed at silly things which is directed at other drivers on the road.
I fill up and then head inside to pay. The lady behind the cash desk shouts a number in my direction as I’m walking to the counter before I’ve even said which pump I’m at. The number isn’t familiar to me, if anything it’s more than I put in my tank. Another lady walks in to which the kiosk lady judged my facial expression and realised her mistake. As she has rung up the wrong pump could she let the lady who just walked in, pay first. I have no issues with this, but not ideal.
After paying and waiting an extraordinary amount of time for a receipt that I don’t need. The phone rings again, it’s my sister who has now become the go between. She says mum is now heading on foot to her local shops to buy biscuits. “No”, I seem to shout at the phone, “I have bought biscuits for us!”. My now secretary is calling our mum telling her to abort her sweet treat mission and head back to base.
We set off again. My son decides to tell me, “when dad goes to the petrol station, he always buys something, like sweets”. Well, I think it’s fair to say that at this point I’ve had enough. No. I’m not going to buy sweets, after spending money on snacks and biscuits and tea bags, all of which I have at home. I have raised my voice. My daughter jumps to her younger brother’s defence and says, “he’s not asking for sweets mum, he’s just telling you what dad sometimes does”.
Darn, she is correct. And breath.
I apologise to them both and take more deep breaths whilst driving to my mums. I start to take a metaphorical step back within my head to allow space to appear to take stock.
I’m frustrated, that once again I am giving people more reasons to say that I am ‘always’ late. I’m angry with myself for allowing it to happen again. I feel guilty that rather than accept responsibility for the tardiness, I tried to place blame at my children’s feet. I’m annoyed, that despite my attempts to be organised and with setting myself reminders I still forgot the snacks and teabags that I left on the side, rather than put them directly in my bag that was waiting on the side.
It’s starting to dawn on me that I can’t work against this force. I have to accept the barriers that I am creating for what they are. These are experiences to help me shift the behaviours that are making my life difficult.
I’ll let mum deal with her own issues, as that I can’t help with. However, my lesson in that scenario is that I keep leaving my own bunch of ever-growing keys at home and just take my husbands with the car keys on. I’ve been ignoring my inner voice, which recently reminded me on several occasions about taking them with a “you’ll need them”. If I had taken them on this occasion, I would have been able to open up my mum’s front door, allowing her to get her spare car keys and take the item that my sister had asked her to bring that was now locked in her car.
We cram Nana in to the car and set off to our final destination. I glance at the clock and we are an embarrassing 28 minutes and counting late.
Over a cup of tea we re-live, giggle and summarise with a “definitely, could do better” whilst munching on rather yummy biscuits.
What’s the moral of my story? When our inner voice speaks, take note and action. We recognise our inner voice as it will repeat in different scenario’s the same succinct words. Our inner voice doesn’t need long sentences or paragraphs, two to four words will be enough to get the message across. All we need to do is listen and act on it.
We need to allow time for self-awareness and observe our behaviours and emotions. These emotions are the gateway to setting our vibrational frequency that creates the energy that communicates with our universe, that ultimately creates the world you desire.
Observing is the starting point but actively changing our behaviours based on our observations and connecting the dots between the situation and the preluding behaviours and outcome is how we can make a difference.
My final lesson is always have a giggle. Laughing is an amazing lever to switch between two extreme moods in the shortest amount of time. You have to see the funny side to life and the situations we get ourselves in.
So, what life lesson pickles have you got yourself in to lately?
We all have our re-cycled thought patterns that stop us from believing that we are unable to do something or act a certain way. This has the ability to paralyse us, resulting in taking no action at all.
Whilst combining my knowledge and research on Law of Attraction writing workshops with the aim of aiding others to find their inner strength to make positive changes in their lives that will enable them to move their own mountains. However, I realised I had a few personal mountains of my own to shift first. Namely, the belief that weight loss wasn’t possible for me because I didn’t have the will power to reduce my sugar habit for more than 48 hours, or to make better choices in what I was energising my body with.
The realisation of hypocrisy occurred to me; how can I be expected to guide others when I hadn’t tackled my own blocks and resistances. So, I went about working through Positive Stream process and applied it to myself.
The battle isn’t with what we consume, it lies with our minds. Over the years our mind has built up stories, that have derived from a variety of sources. Dating as far back as our ancestors who have passed down ‘their wisdom’ to our parents, as well as the belief systems of our friends, and the interpretation of our experiences both positive and negative, have all left an imprint and formed our minds that end up driving our daily lives and decision making.
When your mind is playing repetitive commentary such as ‘you can’t do something’ you start to believe it as fact. It is, this battle with our minds that needs to addressed.
The minds sole function is to keep us safe. Over time The brain doesn’t distinguish between reality and thought (fact and fiction), what you believe in, is your version of reality and how you perceive the world is the window to your mind. Our minds start to look for evidence to sync up with the stories it tells us for reinforcement.
When we start to challenge our mind stories it starts to fight back. So we need to break the cycle.
For me I wanted to make myself feel worthy of the body image I had in my head, this perception was based on how I used to see myself reflected back but lost through age, pregnancies, sad times, and celebrating the good.
I made small changes and giant leaps. I had moments of feeling uncomfortable, low moods, and even pain. But I sit before my computer screen now 100% happier in my skin, I look at my reflection with pride because I know that I achieved what I thought I would not be able to do on my own.
I am in tune with my body. I am no longer battling against my mind and its stories as I have re-written them. I know what my body needs to feel nourished and energised. I know the sensation of over indulgence and to recognise that I don’t have to continue down that path. In the past I would have succumbed to a food urge to handle an emotion and then be overcome with guilt and failure. I would then give up on my mission and I’d be back to square one.
I read somewhere at the beginning of this journey that you are going to feel ‘uncomfortable’. Whether you are uncomfortable in clothes that are becoming too tight; uncomfortable with emotions such as guilt and self-loathing over the food you have just consumed; or uncomfortable in perceived hunger or lack of sugary foods. Either way you are going to feel uncomfortable. The difference is, is that the latter feeling is getting you closer towards your goal.
Once I acknowledged that when I was feeling uncomfortable, it was an opportunity to challenge my mind and take back control of my body. I accepted the cravings I was feeling, sat with it for 10 minutes and acknowledge them with a marble in a jar that represented me conquering my cravings. With this new found control I was more receptive to educating myself on what constituted a nutritional diet and incorporating exercise I enjoyed.
To help tackle my negative mind stories, I found strength from watching, reading and listening to inspirational stories. The stories varied in context, but the theme was consistent. That no matter what life throws at you, regardless of the odds, when you put your belief in something you wanted 100% you will always produce positive results. When you are surrounding yourself with this content it’s hard not to get your ‘head in the game’ to make better choices for yourself.
To help me visualise, I dug out a photo from when I last felt the way I wanted to feel now, this was proof, that this version of reality can exist within me. When I looked at the photo, I remembered exactly how I felt at that time. I then propelled that feeling from the past to my present. This mind transformation was the most powerful pivotal point. I was that person in my mind which allowed me to walk straighter, head held higher, and what I saw in my reflection changed even before I started seeing results on the scales.
The combination of observing others with ‘can do’ attitude and living the reality that I wanted now, gave me solid foundations in pathing the way to make long term changes to my health and wellbeing. The building blocks of food and exercise came afterwards.
I found that I genuinely loved exercising—the rush of endorphins, serotonin, oxytocin, dopamine and adrenalin was exhilarating. I could feel and see my body becoming physically stronger, and mentally capable as I started to challenge myself more. This was fuelling my mind stories in a more positive direction.
Everything became so much easier. Food choices were simple, I no longer had the battle with sugar because my body and taste buds had changed. I went from being a ‘3 teaspoons of sugar girl’ in my coffee to none at all. I stopped craving chocolate, cakes and high starch food because my body no longer craved it. I replaced it with high value protein and fresh vegetables, fruits and healthy fats that kept me energised for longer.
By making small changes, I had synchronised my thoughts regarding food with the description that I wanted of myself. I re-wrote my mind stories and created the version that reinforced the reality I wanted.
Along the way I have kept a journal, I write my thoughts, feelings and measurements down. When my old mind stories reared their head in the form of cravings, I pick up my journal and re-read the first few pages on how I used to feel. This has been invaluable, as I need a reminder of who I was and who I wanted to be. This is usually enough to keep me making the healthier decision.
I am no saint. If I want to indulge then I do so. I enjoy the moment and then continue on my journey in making healthier decisions. I don’t dwell, I don’t feel guilty and continue onwards.
My mountain started to move when I changed the way I thought and challenged my mind stories. I created a vision and lived that life as if it’s already been achieved. With Law of Attraction we communicate with our universe through the emotions that we feel, these feelings are triggered 100% by our thoughts. Be mindful of what you think, because the universe will always answer your requests.
Start to move your mountains by changing your thoughts.