#14 Nowhere else, I want to be, but here!

Time has become our enemy. We fight it, spend it, race it, trick it, waste it, leverage with it and organise it down to the second. This list is endless on how we attempt to manipulate our time. But the fact is ‘time’ is a man-made concept1that helps us organise our day but has somehow dictated our whole being. 

We surround ourselves with clocks. We wear watches, exercise trackers, mobile phones. We are never far away from a clock. With our over reliance on time keeping it influences us in more ways than one. We strive to move forward at an increasingly fast pace with a desire to achieve things at warp speed; and we wonder why we reach burn out!

We have our own internal body clock called the circadian rhythm. The suprachiasmatic nucleus (SCN) is a tiny region of the brain located within the hypothalamus, that is situated directly above the optic chiasm. It’s responsible for controlling the circadian rhythms. As a side note I have fond memories of walking down the aisle as my sister’s bridesmaid twenty odd years ago doing my best not to be overwhelmed by the situation. To help me with this task I started to revise for my neuropsychology exam that was due a week later that included the SCN. I was also a huge fan of sleep in my early teens. My mum even took me to the doctors as I slept so much! The SCN regulates our sleep/wake cycle. There have been numerous experiments regarding the effect of the removal of sensory triggers that we have come to rely on to help us regulate this cycle; namely natural light and the removal of all clocks. Under these conditions the body at first regulates well and ‘keeps’ relatively well to time however the longer the period of sensory deprivation (i.e. limited light) the longer the distortion in regulating time as well as an increase in depressive mood states. There is also a reduction in cognitive function and responsiveness to tasks.2It’s worth noting that our body will maintain a routine of some sort, however, it’s not necessarily to our 24-hour cycle. Does this suggest that our internal circadian rhythm cycle is different from our man-made version?  

We seem to be more inpatient with the pace of life. Demanding things arrive earlier or be achieved faster. Advances in technology help and hinder us. They pray on our desires to live a sped-up life. If we want something, it’s at the touch of a button. 

On top of all that we are then faced with our own routines that help us keep track of time. I hold my hands up high and admit that I love a routine. I lay credit to a well-known baby book that helped me establish a routine to navigate my daughters first year of life. Routine gives us the feeling of having life under control.3That we are in control of our lives. However, there are downsides to controlling our time so rigidly. It can make us feel stifling, controlled, with an ironic twist of making us feel a lack of time. Our minds can be distracted with past events and future plans. We rarely take the time to live in the ‘now’.

Fur baby wanting to come along for the ride.

Time came to a head for me a couple of weeks ago when my husband and I were going away to Italy to celebrate a significant birthday of mine. Leading up to it, I admit I was getting stressed. I had to arrange and organise two children and a dog, which seemed to require the best part of family and friends. To top it off my highly sensitive fur baby was becoming stressed when I was packing so a trip to the vets was added in to the mix. My life stopped as I knew it and in its place was a continuous mini count down. Now usually in times of stress, as a life coach I would advocate breaking down life’s drama’s in to small bite sized nuggets that will stress you out less. However, it felt the reverse for me. It became a myriad of time-based questions: What time are we dropping kids off? Is there time to go to the vets? How long does it take to drive to the airport? What time shall we leave? What time does check in close? Will we have any time to eat at the airport? How far away is the car park and how long is the transfer to the airport? How long is the flight? What time are we picking the car up? How long is the drive to our house? It was mentally exhausting. Ten hours after leaving our house we arrived in Northern Italy in a mountain village which required 3 km hairpin track in the dark! We then realised that we were rather remote and only had two cookies between us. There was one restaurant that was fully booked as it was international women’s day. The restaurant and B&B staff’s kindness and generosity were remarkable they didn’t need to take two tired strangers whose Italian was beyond poor, but they did. They gave us bread and puchitto ham and we bought a bottle of wine to take back to the house. It was one of the tastiest meals; potentially due to how hungry we were but also, we were taken aback as to their eagerness to help us. 

One of our views from the balcony

The following day, when the sun rose, we realised what surrounded us. The panoramic mountain vista was breath taking. We could see Chiavenna town below us. We realised then how remote our mountain village of Pianazzola was. The stone cottages were built so close to one another that the cobbled alleyways created a maze and the chimney on top of top of slated roofs created a beautiful base frame to our view. You could hear the villagers starting their daily routines of bringing in the fire wood, thrashing their rugs outside and chatting with one another. All against the backdrop of the aroma of fresh coffee being brewed. But what was truly deafening was the silence. 

We drove down the mountain road to Chiavenna to take a look around and get a bite to eat; now, this implies that it was a delightful journey, but I’m not going to lie to you, I am a terrible passenger. It comes to light that I am even worse when I’m up high and putting my life in the hands of my husbands driving skills going down and around hairpin turns. What’s worse is that the local, in their beaten-up Panda’s and tractors…yes tractors, navigate up and down the mountain with remarkable speed and annoying skill. We made it safety down in one piece but a little frazzled. I am pleased to report that I learnt to trust my husband’s spatial awareness and leave him to it by the end of our stay. Our marriage still intact.

By lunch time we had found a Crotti restaurant, which wasn’t our first choice but as it turned out was perfect for us and clearly meant to be. Law of Attraction clearly working for us. With our taste buds satisfied and our stomachs full we went to explore. The Italians really do have the work/life balance sorted. When we first entered Chiavenna it was bustling with people, all chilling out drinking coffee enjoying the early March sunshine and socialising. By the time we walked back through it was deserted. The Italians don’t work against the natural biorhythms. Majority of café’s, shops and museums close for their Riposa.4We headed back to the house as all I wanted to do was to sit on the balcony and enjoy the views and read my book. This is when for me time stopped. It no longer existed. That amazing feeling continued in to Sunday. It felt like the longest of days. I stopped thinking about what needed to be done in the future, or the consequences of what had happened in the past. All I cared about was staring at the ever-changing mountains and listening to the silence. I was 100% present in my now and time stood still. There was nowhere else, that I wanted to be, but here. 

Yes, I was missing the kids, but we’d checked in with them and I knew they were having fun and were safe. They didn’t need my attention. We drank coffee, read and watched the world go by at the most glorious of paces. Every now and then by accident I would see the clock on my phone and I registered the time with utter astonishment. What was truly lovely is that my husband was able to settle. He struggles with stillness (although he has been learning to meditate with the app Calm) and hasn’t read a book or magazine in the past 12 years. Our children once asked him if he could read, as they would see me read all the time but never him! He read a magazine that he had bought in July 2018 which still had the wrapper on and he started reading a book. 

We went to explore Pianazzola and found a beautiful spot that had a flowing water trough and bench where we could just sit and gaze at the trees or snow topped mountains whilst listening to the trickling water taking deep lung full of breaths whilst we both meditated. Blissful. 

It felt like a rude awakening when on Monday we had to start thinking of time again. I do confess to being rather put out about this and resented the conversation relating to time. I did succumb in the end to agree on a time to leave and start the reverse process of returning home back to ‘time’.

I love Eckhart Tolle5stance of time that is worth adopting ‘End the delusion of time. Time and mind are inseparable. Remove time from the mind and it stops – unless you choose to use it. To be identified with your mind is to be trapped in time: the compulsion to live almost exclusively through memory and anticipation. This creates an endless preoccupation with past and future and an unwillingness to honour and acknowledge the present moment and allow it to be. The compulsion arises because the past gives you an identity and the future holds the promise of salvation, of fulfilment in whatever form. Both are illusions.’ 

What Eckhart is saying is that time is an illusion of our mind, and our mind can be so consumed by past events and things that could happen that it takes us away from being in the now and enjoying the present. As he says,‘there is never a time when your life was not now, nor will there ever be’. In a practical sense Eckhart refers to this as ‘clock time’ he says it’s okay to think about the future as in making plans for an event or appointment, but put it in the diary, or on paper but immediately return to the present moment.

So let’s not wish our lives away. Take your watch off and see how it feels. Allow yourself the time to be in your now. There is no other place you should be living. If this is a struggle evaluate your diary. What are you agreeing to that is taking up your time? Are you achieving a balance? Be consciously aware of when your thoughts start to migrate both in the past or to the future and ping them back to your now. Give yourself the best present by being 100% present.  

1The concept of time occurred approximately 2000BC; with the Egyptians introducing the concept of two 12-hour split time phases. The introduction of mechanical clocks was introduced in the 14thcentury. 

2There are lots of studies that I could reference here however, the this programme highlights the points beautifullyHorizon: Body Clock: What makes us tick?Originally aired BBC2 Thursday 11 October 2018. Due to air again: 1 April 2019 BBC 2 23:15

3Empowering habits are different, also known as ‘Miracle Morning routines’. These can include meditation, exercise, journaling, mantra, rituals of having a cup of tea or coffee, how we shower, clean our teeth (i.e. use your non-dominate hand, it wakes your brain up). 

4Riposa is the same as the Spanish Siesta.

5Tolle Eckhart. 2005, The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment. Page 40-41

#13 A forced break!

A couple of weeks ago I had flu. In the past I thought I’d suffered with it but oh how wrong was I! I was quite pathetic in all honesty. I actually blamed it on a yoga session I had gone to at first. All my joints had been popped, stretched and released which actually felt lovely and I came away from the session feeling mellow and ‘one’ with my body. But by the evening I was shattered and aching from every joint in my body. But I put it down to yoga and carried on the best I could the following day. But I kept laying down whenever and wherever I could. 

I finally stopped resisting the feeling, when early evening arrived, I took myself to my bed and didn’t move much that week. I’m not going to lie to you I indulged in Netflix, * podcasts and reading galore. Yes, my body was in pain but my mind, although tiring quickly was active enough for the need to be entertained. It certainly wasn’t guilt free. I listened to my family around me as they continued on with their day, occasionally checking in with me. My husband was amazing, I only felt the need to intervene once, which is quite an improvement for me! Or a sign of how unwell I felt. I was also introduced to a new sensation of not being hungry. On any given day my conscious and subconscious is 80% occupied with food; ‘What am I going to eat?’ ‘When am I eating next?’ etc. So, it was a new sensation not wanting to eat, my taste buds were shot but it was nice to not be consumed by thoughts of food.

The previous week I had attended a meditation workshop evening. So, I put my time to good use and listened to soothing music and practiced deep breathing and even tapping on my forehead and areas of pain with the aim of ‘tapping the pain away’. I focused my thoughts on healing myself, allowing the remaining energy that I had within me to be directed to healing from the inside out…this resulted in a lot of sweating! However, it worked wonders. When I centred on my breathing and connected with the music, I felt different. I felt aligned, to the point where it felt like I’d had an hour session of reiki. Which for me has always been a powerful sensation, my world literally spins from the third eye. I’m convinced that what I did contributed to speeding up the healing process.

But I’m not going to lie, last week I had days of feeling sorry for myself and I confess to having a couple of naps after work. It’s taken me a further week to feel back to full health. Having flu is not an illness I wish to be subjected to again, but I can’t deny that indulging in mediation, tapping, rest with peace and quiet is something I haven’t experienced for an extended period of time for a very long time; before children, being the last time. It was truly incredible. But not for another ten years please!

*I can recommend The Staircase, Workin’ Moms, Heal, In Defence of Food, Dumplin, The Keepers, 

#12 The Law of Attraction part 1

Welcome my friend, I thought it was about time I wrote about the Law of Attraction and the key principles. I’ll spread it over a few blogs, but I hope part one makes you think and excites you to know more.

Law of Attraction (LoA) is no secret. It has however, become a forgotten way of thinking and feeling. Over the years our minds have become cluttered with thoughts, emotions, information and ‘other excess baggage’. That over time has quietened our ability to tap in to our inner being; our frequency.

LoA is not a belief system, nor is it a religious movement. It is all encompassing and actually sits rather comfortably across every known religion with no conflict. It’s not about money or wanting to have materialistic ‘things’ in your life.

So, if it’s not the above then what is it? It is a universal law. Now, don’t switch off because you think I’ve gone in to ‘woo woo’ mode, but bear with me. Another universal law which you could compare it to is gravity. We very rarely think about gravity, nor question its existence. It just is. 

It’s meta physics and quantum physics. We can delve into the smallest subatomic particles of life to help us understand our existence and our reality to help explain the ‘workings’ of LoA.  

LoA is operating whether you are harnessing the power of it to your advantage or not. So why wouldn’t you want to learn more about it, if it can help us feel joy?

LoA works at the level of our vibrational frequency. Our vibrational frequency ISyour emotional state of being, in other words the ‘mood’ that you feel. If we use the analogy of an old style radio that needs to be tuned in to the correct frequency to listen to a specific station. Your emotional state isthe tuning dial. LoA works on the same principles, your universe (the world around you) matches to your vibrational (emotional) state. 

Our vibrational frequency (emotional state) can be ‘tuned’ like an old style radio

To change your vibrational frequency you need your feelings to marry up with your thoughts. The most common phrase associated with LoA is ‘like attracts like’

So how do we go about managing this?

By remembering that our thoughts create our emotions that drive our actions which sets our vibrational frequency. If like attracts like, what are you attracting? You can check the frequency you are at, by looking around you. What are you currently manifesting? Are you happy? Are things going in the direction you want them to go? Are you in a state of wanting more? Never satisfied with what you have? Or living too far in to the future or past? 

Have you ever woken up in the morning and despite your ‘best efforts’ one thing after the other goes wrong? We often proclaim ‘could it get any worse?’ and more often than not, as the day progresses it does get worse. This is LoA working, but in the negative sense. Remember, you are attracting what your vibrational frequency is at.

The funny thing is, we are more accustomed to viewing our world in this way. We jeer ourselves along with mantra’s such as ‘nothing is easy’, ‘you appreciate things more when you work hard to get them’, or ‘life is a trial’. We are conditioned from a young age that nothing is easy, that hard work will eventually provide us with a positive reward. But life doesn’t and shouldn’t be so difficult. 

Remember that our thoughts have the ability to control our reality and our emotions physically affect our energy frequency that we are in. So we need to flip our vision around. If we think about what could happen in a positive sense and truly believe this version of reality then we are inviting it into our lives. 

This time of year we are surrounded by new year’s resolutions. We are told that if we make a goal we need to be accountable and take ownership of it. To share it with others. But the truth is, if we want to truly change we have to change the way we feel, change the way we think, and change the stories we tell ourselves which WILL change your everyday.

No one else can think you’re thoughts for you. No one can feel them as you would feel them. Change the cycle but learning something different for 2019.

If you want to learn more about the Law of Attraction and how you can use it to create a life you’ve only imagined, join me in my workshops for practical applications and start your journey in to self-reflection now. 

I’d love to hear from you and put you on the waiting list for the up and coming workshops. Say ‘hello’ and email me at caroline@positivestream.life